Bunching the panties of the powers that be.
You are telling people how to have threesomes and open marriages. At the same time there are people who write you who don't have proper knowledge about birth control.
Every time a republican dominated state legislature passes a bill banning sex education I think, "Thank you, I'll never have to get a real job." Because in seven years I'll be getting letters from 20-somethings who don't know their holes from asses in the ground. Every anti-sex education bill should be renamed the, "Dan Savage employment program."
You're filling a void, when it comes to sex education.
Partly because even where it exists, what we call sex education really isn't. It's reproductive biology: “Spermatozoa meet the egg and make a zygote and that becomes a baby. The end.”
What sex ed. needs to cover is how you talk someone into fucking you. That's where people get in trouble. Imagine a driver's ed. course where they only cover the internal combustion engine and how it works. Then they hand you the keys to a car. You’d get into a wreck.
We need to talk about what consent is, how you get to yes. When you talk about fucking, what exactly is it that you want to do? What is possible? So you're kinky. What does that mean? How do you open up with someone that you are attracted to about what you want to do with them? How do you handle the insecurities and fears that that may instill. What does it mean that you're not normal? It means you are like everybody else.
Many of the letters you get are from straight men who are scared and a little repressed.
The poor dears… I didn't like straight guys much when I started writing my column, but quickly became so sympathetic. I didn’t fall in love with them – I’m not one of those gay guys – but I came to realize that they are trapped. In prisons not just of their own construction, but constructed for them also by women and gay men. They are tormented by what is expected of them as straight men. That makes me very sad.
Straight men have much less freedom sexually. Nobody questions a girl who is a lesbian for a year and eats a lot of pussy, then becomes straight identified. If a straight guy one night gives a blowjob, no one will believe he's straight ever again.
Straight male identity is a marriage of two negatives. It is to not be a woman and not be a fag. So anything that is perceived as feminine and anything that is perceived as faggy can shatter their self-image and how others view them. Straight guys rule the world, but they made it a miserable place for themselves.